Sunday, August 06, 2006

TV Review: Flavor of Love

Flavor of Love
Genre: Copetition Reality
Channel: VH1
Season: 2

The first round of Flavor Flav's reality show aimed at finding himself a new wife ended sadly, as Hoopz and Flav ultimately parted ways. This time around, Flav demanded VH1 weed out the gold diggers more vigorously, and chose the girls himself.

For those who were spared the first time around, "Flavor of Love" pits twenty women against one another for the chance to fall in love with the man you see to the left, Public Enemy hypeman Flavor Flav.

The girls get mispelled nicknames and live in a mansion with Flav, screaming at one another and drinking heavily, stopping only to make out with Flav.

Much of last season was marred by the fact the girls were largely wannabe actresses and musicians trying to get exposure. Of the final six girls, four had been in low budget movies or were extras on TV shows. This season, the group is markedly different, packed to the gills with... not the type of people you normally see on reality shows.

I've never seen so many gapped teeth on one show in my life.

The show started with pure action as everyone rushed in to get a bed. There were twenty women and only nineteen beds, so two girls disputed whether the rights to the bed belonged to the girl who claimed it first or the girl who beat the living shit out of the girl who claimed it first. This led to a counselling session in Flavor's room, before which the girl who believed might makes right prayed, "Oh, heavenly father, forgive me my sins and watch over me on this day. Forgive me for whoopin' dis bitch ass. Forgive me for thinking about whoopin' dis bitch ass again." Ultimately, she was sent packing, despite her case that the mansion was "close enough" to Crenshaw Boulevard to justify her actions.

Later, the girls mingle while Flavor makes the rounds and talks to each of them. In one of the stupidest strategies ever concocted on reality TV, Spunkeey gets a bunch of the girls to talk about bisexuality. Later, she tells Flavor that all of them are lesbians, specifically targeting Sumpthin (I warned you about the nicknames), claiming the tape will prove they all admitted to thinking about being with other women and since Flav is a man he should kick them out. In the previous season, Flav put a lot of emphasis on being honest, so ultimately Spunkeey's goal was to get girls to deny they'd suggested they might have a homo-/bisexual experience so she could roll the tape and get them kicked out.

Among the twenty girls, Flav had a spy, who pretty much reported to him--shockingly--that there were flaws among the women who decided to go on a reality show to fall in love with a gold toothed crack addict with eight kids from three different women who speaks a language he makes up as he talks.

The show then ended on the high note of having Somethin crap herself on a mad dash to the bathroom following the elimination ceremony, leaving a pile on the stairs.

All that said, much like a car accident makes you slow down, it's hard not to watch "Flavor of Love." Further, if you're like me and after slowing down for the accident you feel disappointment that you didn't see any blood or dead bodies, "Flavor of Love" will not disappoint as it makes sure to show you the very dregs of humanity.

This show was clearly sent from heaven to our TV sets, but is it a blessing or plague?

RECOMMENDED FOR: People who find "Jerry Springer" a little too intellectual.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Everyone. I cannot in good conscience recommend this show for anyone... but with that said, you gotta watch this!

AV Rating: 2.5/5. That rating deserves an explanation, because this is not an "average, middle-of-the-road" show. I am torn between giving it a five or a zero so I averaged the two.


Blogger Sara J said...

I couldn't even watch him on Surreal Life when he was part of an ensemble cast. The dude is just freaky gross.

Crack head, gold teeth *shudder* that any person in their right mind would kiss him, let alone try to seduce him is beyond comprehension.

3:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Flava probably is not the cutest nor is he the most brightest man in the world but, i do think he have a great personality. i think that is why that may have attracted these girls to him. well some of them i like flava and some of the girls on there such as... Spunkeey, Payshintz, Nibblz and Beautiful....(flava can not spell) I think these girls know what they want and think that is flava there is a lot of girls i have questions about and that is something she is so nasty i didn't like her when i 1st sa her she need to seek help along with toastee she drink to much about..well like i said i want spunkeey, nibblz or payshintz to win i think they are cute and the right one for him if that is what he is looking for he so crazy he probably don't even know

11:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They all want him for his gold grillz.

8:11 PM  
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11:28 PM  

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