Underrated Badass of Cinema: Samantha Caine/Charly Baltimore

Back when Samuel L. Jackson was a badass [when he screamed Fuck You Motherfucker! You knew he would Fuck. You. Up. Watching trailers of Snakes on a Plane with him screaming Fuck You Motherfucker! at snakes is somehow less effective] he was in a movie in which, while still a badass, he was the 2nd fiddle badass to one Samantha Caine (a.k.a Charly Baltimore) in The Long Kiss Goodnight.

One day Samantha Caine is a nice single-mother, suffering from some amnesia, and she doesn’t remember anything before her daughter’s birth. A Christmas Eve car accident with some head trauma starts letting the old Samantha (Charly) resurface. First she's beningly chopping veggies for dinner and then she is expertly throwing knives at targets across the room! Throwing knives is dangerous!

Then she changes her whole look - she goes from long, curly, brown mousy hair, totally wholesome Walton's looking to bobbed platinum blonde with tons of eye liner and a leather jacket with a bullet hole. How many women do you know that would cut off 6-12 inches of long hair by themselves, and make it look awesome? None, that's how many.

She expertly shoots badguys while they are in a car and she is on ice skates! Ice skating assassin!

When trapped by the bad guys and facing death with her daughter, she never gives up:

Caitlin: Mommy, am I gonna die?
Charlie: Oh, no, baby, no. You're not going to die. They are. Cover your ears. Hey, should we get a dog?

In the end the bad guys are dead, the good guys are free, and Samantha has found a way to balance her mommy and assassin instincts.

Samantha/Charly: Underrated Badass of Cinema!

Underrated Badass of Cinema: Quint

First off, can we all agree that Jaws is just a fantastic movie? Actually, screw it, I don't care if you agree or not; just know that if you don't agree then you're wrong. Because Jaws is just a fantastic movie.

I could make the case that Jaws rocks the house because of Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss, the shark, the dialogue, the direction, the characterizations, blahbity-blah-blah-blah.

But no, my friends. Jaws is megasuperterrific because of one man: Robert Shaw in the role he was born to play, as Quint the Crusty Old Shark Hunter.

Quint is such a badass.

Quint's the kind of guy that scrapes his fingernails down a blackboard to get the whole room's attention, even though said room is about the size of a broom closet, and a simple "HEY!" would probably have done the trick.

Quint's the guy who knows that a shark's been eating people, and says he'll find the shark for $3000, but he'll catch it and kill it for $10,000. That's right: at heart he's a bidnessman!

Quint will stand there looking at you like you're a total moron, eating crackers with a slight smile on his face that seems to say, "You're a total moron."

He's also got his own boat, mounts shark jaws on the wall, laughs at the end of the movie Moby Dick, and apparently has the ability to not instantly dislike Roy Scheider, an ability many common mortals do not possess.

More importantly, Quint is willing to CHASE FUCKING JAWS. The sheer ballsiness of that cannot be overstated.

Oh, did I mention that Quint underwent Horrific Badass-ifying Trauma in his past? Yessir, the U.S.S. Indianapolis was part of Quint's WWII tour of duty. Watch this clip:



Now just try and tell me that Quint isn't a badass. He never wears a life jacket. That is just unsafe, people!

(Also: that 3 minutes of acting by Robert Shaw may be the finest monologue committed to film in the last 30 years, and you all can take your stylized hipper-than-thou Pulp Fiction and suck on it. I don't even want to hear it.)

Yes, Quint ends up getting et in half by the shark. Still: you think that shark blows up at the end of the movie because Roy Scheider hit a million-to-one shot on a scuba tank?

Hell, no!

The shark blows up because the shark's stomach literally cannot physically contain Quint's utter badassedness. I'm serious. It was totally in the first draft:

SHARK: (swims)

BRODY: (aims)

HOOPER: (floats)

QUINT: Ha! Even in the bowels of this shark, my disembodied torso contains enough badassedness to rip apart the beastie. Begone!

SHARK: (BOOM!)

Roll credits, bask in awe.

Quint: Underrated Badass of Cinema!

Underrated Badasses of Cinema Week!

This may or may not work, but I am all about the theme weeks, even if they start on a Friday. So my particular theme next week: Underrated Badasses of Cinema!

Yes, yes, we all know about your John McClane , your Jules Winnfield , your Indiana Jones, and your Ripley.

(Incidentally, if you actually click that Indiana Jones link above because you're not familiar with the character, well... let's just say the odds are good that you're not exactly this blog's target audience.)

But this week (for my posts, anyway) is dedicated to the Underrated Badasses of Cinema --- the characters that despite not being super mega action heroes/heroines or starring in gazillions of movies, managed to create enduring badass characters worthy of emulating in office meetings, deep-sea expeditions, or public restrooms.

"But Chris," you're probably thinking, "What exactly is an Underrated Badass of Cinema? And how can you read my mind?"

Obviously, the character has to be underrated. By that I mean that one must apply Holly's Law Of Underratedness, which states:

When Movie X is discussed among friends, if Character Y is the third or fourth discussion point brought up and prefaced by the sentence "You know who was good in [Movie X]? [Character Y]." then Character Y has the property of Underratedness.

Additionally, the character must be a Badass, where we apply Holly's Law of Badassedness, which states:

If Character Y makes it plain through dialogue or action that he, she, or it is clearly better than you and could probably give you a heart attack just by glancing in your direction, Character Y has the property of Badassedness.

So, this (next) week I'll be celebrating Underrated Badasses of Cinema! Oh, and more than likely Sara, Scott, and Jake will have some actual critical reviews as well if you get tired of my self-aggrandizing.

Not that I ever do.

TV Review: Weeds

Genre: Drama
Channel: Showtime
Season: 2 currently airing; 1 on DVD

The premise: Widowed mom sells pot to support her kids and ultra suburban lifestyle.
The result: Mixed bag

Let’s start with the good:
The acting is superb all around – Mary-Louise Parker, Elizabeth Perkins, Kevin Nealon are the primary actors. They do an amazing job – especially as such recognizable personalities, they are still able to be completely believable in their roles.

Nancy (Mary-Louise Parker) is a complex character. She is a devoted mom, she won’t deal to kids, and she hides her ‘job’ from her kids.

Nancy is a good friend to a bitchy alcoholic (Elizabeth Perkins) with breast cancer. Even still, she won’t let Perkins show her boobs off to her kids. She’s a dealer, but not immoral.

The mixed:
The pilot jumps into her already widowed and already in her ‘career’. We don’t see what the process was for her choosing to deal, when she started, etc.

The show lacks common sense. She’s living in an upper-class suburban area. She could sell her home, live in smaller place without the maid, and probably get a regular job that could support their new lifestyle. I’m not talking about going from rich to poor – I’m talking about well-off to middle-class. A downgrade? Sure. But, a stable way of life that doesn’t involve drugs, drive-bys, and cover businesses.

The bad:
I don’t think there is any bad per se.

Overall, I recommend a viewing, but so far after the first half of season 1 I am not hooked. If it’s on, sure, I will watch it, but I am not squawking about the TiVo eating an episode of Weeds.

AV rating: 3.5/5

TV Review: 30 Days

Genre: Documentary Reality
Channel: FX
Season: 2 currently airing; 1 on DVD

Morgan Spurlock is best known as the guy who ate nothing but McDonald's for a month and made a movie documenting his resulting deteriorating health called Supersize Me. He applied the same idea that you can change you life and your views in just thirty days to the show called... well, "30 Days."

The show finds people of an extreme viewpoint and has them live with someone from the opposite side of the spectrum. It's akin to throwing someone into a cold pool, knowing the initial shock will wear off quickly and he'll be able to enjoy a nice swim he wouldn't otherwise if he'd just stood on the edge, dipping his toe in all afternoon.

Wow, how about that similie?

So the bible thumping homophobe goes to live in the Castro district for a month and the border patroling Minuteman lives with a family of eight illegal immigrants in a one bedroom apartment in East LA.

Sometimes, the show really makes a good point and you genuinely see change in the subject. For example, the Minuteman who was able to go to Mexico and see the "house" where his host family used to live--if you call three walls and a corrugated piece of metal for a roof a "house." By the end of that episode, he admitted he still opposed illegal immigration, but that he understood why most illegals come to America and said he'd no longer patrol the border but instead use his time to fight for better immigration laws.

More often than not, the show misses the mark for one of three reasons.

1. Ignorance. Since the show is trying to use average people, you don't get scholars who can really debate the two sides of an issue. Tonight's episode was about an Atheist who went to live with a very devoted Christian family. Unfortunately, the Christians couldn't understand what Atheism was--at one point a guy asked, "What did Jesus ever do that was so bad in your opinion?"--and the Atheist couldn't really explain herself nor her lack of beliefs. The show tried to make up for it by having some interesting facts (Atheists are the least trusted minority in the country, behind Muslims, recent immigrants, and gays) and some interviews with experts on both sides, but every time we went back to the dumbass host family and the braindead subject, I just had to pause the Tivo, get up, and walk around about a dozen times.

2. Stupid Plans. Somethings just can't be understood by doing them for thirty days. Last season, a mom who was concerned about her college-aged daughter's drinking decided to binge drink for a month. She went from having an occassional glass of wine to drinking four or more drinks a day. First off, this would be like me making a documentary about myself running a marathon, collapsing after two miles, and making the focus of the story that running is bad. You can't go from rarely drinking to drinking heavily every night. You have to ease into it. Further, if you're a wine drinker, you can't slam two shots of tequilla, down a beer, and finish your night with a screwdriver.

The flawed nature became apparent whenever she talked to her daughter about the experiment. The mom would go on and on about how awful she felt and how terrible this must be for her daughter, then she's tell her "I had two margaritas and two Budweisers" and her daughter would laugh hysterically at what a lightweight her mom was. It would be like me telling Duane Wade he shouldn't play basketball anymore because I played for fifteen minutes and my heart was pounding and I couldn't catch my breath.

Finally, the show really tried to drive home the negative impact of binge drinking by showing how the mom wasn't getting any housework done. There were shots of laundry piled up and a scene where she tried to vacuum, but instead just crashed on the couch and fell asleep. There were parts where her ten year old son cried as he watched his mom, who looked like she was dying, making herself a drink at one in the afternoon after just waking up. All these scenes did was prove that binge drinking is best left to people who don't have kids to watch and a household to maintain. People like college students!

3. Pointlessness. The third flaw is also probably the most common one: episodes that end with viewers asking, "What are we really supposed to get out of this?" All the episodes want to open viewers eyes to a world they may not otherwise see, but I pretty much knew Muslims are descriminated against by a lot of Americans. Maybe I'm just better informed than most people, but I was aware that there is a high level of poverty in India. Last season's episode about people living "off the grid," driving cars that run on recycled oil from fried food, building solar-powered huts, and not shampooing their hair, was mildly informative, but mainly left you thinking the hippies were weirdos and the subjects were whiners. In the end, even the subjects were hard pressed to find something "life-changing" to say about the experience. They were much more interested in being able to finally use hair dryers again.

Unfortunately, the key element that is missing episode in and episode out is the characters. In an attempt to get fairly average people, the subjects of the show and their hosts tend to have pretty bland personalities.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Shut-ins, people who don't know what's happening beyond three houses down the street.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: People who don't care about anything outside their particular worldview, people who are very interested and informed about things outside their personal worldview. Think of this show like a starter packet for learning about new things.

A/V RATING: 2/5. I still watch hoping to catch lightning in a bottle again, but can almost guarantee with a remaining lineup this season with titles like "New Age," "Pro-Life/Pro-Choice," and "Jail," I'm not holding my breath.

TV Review: Life On Mars

Sorry about the lateness of the last of my Summer Shows I'm TiVo-ing Week, but I see that Sara and Jake valiantly came to the rescue to keep y'all entertained! Last entry for me on this particular theme: another friggin' English show!

#5 Life on Mars
Genre: Sci-Fi-ish Crime Dramedy
Channel: BBC America
Season: 1 currently airing

Anyhoo, Life on Mars is a weird show.

The premise is that a cop gets hit by a car and wakes up in 1973. Everyone seems to know him, he's got a job as a detective still, and absolutely nobody believes that he's from the future.

And neither do we, because along the way we get not-very-subtle indications that all this is the creation of his mind, trying to keep him alive while he's in a coma.

As the main character Sam Tyler explains in the opening voiceover: "Have I traveled back in time, am I in a coma, or have I gone mad?" It's pretty clearly either #2 or #3, possibly both.

Which means that the premise itself doesn't really leave a whole lot of mystery, since the show constantly hits us over the head with, um, "This is all in his head" signs.

It's a good thing that the show is brilliantly acted and surprisingly hilarious.

See, Sam's boss in 1973 is in, um 1973, and certain crime drama procedures like "lineups behind two-way glass", "DNA evidence", and "not planting obviously fake jewelry on suspects to arrest them for murder" haven't quite made it to the forefront of police procedure.

So, much of the humor comes from Sam and his boss being at odds with each other over the other's methods of policework. In addition, they happen to absolutely hate each other, which in one episode makes for an entertaining extended fistfight in a coma patient's hospital room.

(See? There's that subtle "HE'S REALLY IN A COMA" symbolism I was talking about.)

John Simm and Philip Glenister portray Sam and "Guv" (I call the boss character "Guv" because everyone else does. I'm not even sure he has a name, to be perfectly frank) wonderfully, and their scenes together crackle.

Factor in a cool '70s soundtrack (but with good '70s songs) that's not too overbearing, genuinely interesting setting, and yeah: it's a pretty good show.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Fans of "retro" shows, The Prisoner, or anyone who thought to themselves, "Starsky and Hutch would have been a really good show if it had been set in England".

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: People who can't stand shows that think they're cleverer than they actually are (I'm lookin' at you, Lost.)

A/V RATING: 3/5. Quirky, entertaining, good acting. One viewing will tell you whether you're going to like this or not.

TV Review: EUReKA

The premise: Crazy, secret small town where science is king and abnormal is the norm.

The result: Comedic SciFi.

Eureka, a SciFi original show, takes a humorous look at a town that "Area 51 wishes they could be".

The cast:

Jack Carter: U.S. Marshal, now Eureka sheriff. His life was the law, now that he's in Eureka, his life is normalizing a town full of geniuses. Seems personable (people seem to like him easily- except for his teen-age daughter) and disarming - as people seem ready to put their trust in him.

Allison Blake: Government liaison between Eureka and the DOD (Department of Defense). Single mom of a son with Asperger's syndrome. Tough enough to play with the men, soft enough to clearly be a woman.

Jo Lupo: Josefina Lupo - the deputy sheriff. She's all GI Jane - all weapon crazy - and all anally retentive about rules. If you want a door or an ass kicked in, call Jo first. She'll shoot first and ask questions later.

Henry Deacon: Local retired rocket scientist turned auto-mechanic, regularly developing new technology.

There are tons of wacky characters - all geniuses at what they do - but mostly too weird to be accepted anywhere outside of Eureka.

There's also lots of continuing stories, both in character development and plot mysteries. We tag along with Sheriff Carter as he learns the ropes. Meanwhile, we peek into various intrigues, but never get a full grasp of them.

The show, in its freshman season, is charming. Sure, there are a lot of nuances to work out, but there always are in the first season. The show has potential, but somewhere between funny and cheesy is the sweet spot of cheesy in a funny way - and this show is just about there, but it could slip easily into cheesy.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Science Fiction fans, parody fans, gadget fans.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: People who are really serious about their science.

AV Rating: Based on the newness of the show and the fine line it is walking, I give it a 3.5/5

TV Review: Project Runway

The premise: aspiring designers desecrate themselves, jump through fashion hoops, and argue with snooty judges.

The result: fashion dreams and nightmares and lots of bitchy behavior.

I have to hand it to Bravo – here it is Season 3 of Project Runway, and these guys have had the whole package since day one.

And unlike the UPN counterpart in “fashion ‘reality’ TV” where ANTM (America’s Next Top Model) seems to be big on humiliation, breaking spirits, and then blaming the broken, Project Runway seems to be all about conflicting messages (one week, too conservative, next week, too crazy) – but rarely at the expense of the designer’s pride.

ANTM: Bitches scratching each others’ eyes out
PR: Bitching about behavior, design, talent, etc.

That may not seem like enough of a distinction, but trust me, ANTM is Schlitz and PR is Guinness.

Also, you’ll love the crazy creativity. One week, you must use plants to make a suitable dress for a cocktail party. The next, create an interesting, but not skanky, outfit for Sasha Cohen to wear during her next competition.

And, if you are a Grace in search of her Will, you’ll find an entire range of fashion-obsessed gay men, closeted men, and men who will just trash your closet. The women range from questionable (think Pat from SNL) to totally WASPy fabulous.

Then, there’s the staff:

• Heidi Klum: goddess, funny, accented, brutally honest
• Tim Gunn: THE Will you really want, honest, helpful, gives good podcast recaps.
  

The Judges:

• Michael Kors: Established designer, makes faces like everything stinks like poop.
• Nina Garcia: Fashion Director (editor? Guru? God?) at Elle magazine – gets into bitter, season-long nemesis relationships with defiant designers (if there is one, he’ll tangle with Nina)
• Guest judges range from Nikki Hilton (why?) to Vera Wang.

Now I have to be honest that I know nothing about fashion. I look at the sketches and I have no idea how they will materialize. The judges will criticize an outfit and I will think, “But I like cowl necks” or they will praise and outfit and I will say, “That looks like someone threw up on that poor girl.” My point is, you don’t need to know anything about fashion to enjoy the show.

The cat fights exist – but they use their words. Sharpened, deadly, stabbing words.

It’s delicious.

Even better – the Bravo site has recaps every week by Tim, Tim’s podcast, and contests to guess which contestant will win and which will lose each week. The site is really well done.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Reality TV junkies, people who like fashion, Graces in search of a Will, people who wear clothes, people who wonder what designers do, people who like bitchy comments, people who like German accents, people who like Heidi Klum, people who like to mock whiners.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: People who don’t like to mock whiners, people who don’t like to see other people put through the creative wringer (seriously, a dress out of plants), homophobes, people without a sense of humor.

AV Rating: 4/5

TV Review: Flavor of Love

Flavor of Love
Genre: Copetition Reality
Channel: VH1
Season: 2
The first round of Flavor Flav's reality show aimed at finding himself a new wife ended sadly, as Hoopz and Flav ultimately parted ways. This time around, Flav demanded VH1 weed out the gold diggers more vigorously, and chose the girls himself.

For those who were spared the first time around, "Flavor of Love" pits twenty women against one another for the chance to fall in love with the man you see to the left, Public Enemy hypeman Flavor Flav.

The girls get mispelled nicknames and live in a mansion with Flav, screaming at one another and drinking heavily, stopping only to make out with Flav.

Much of last season was marred by the fact the girls were largely wannabe actresses and musicians trying to get exposure. Of the final six girls, four had been in low budget movies or were extras on TV shows. This season, the group is markedly different, packed to the gills with... not the type of people you normally see on reality shows.

I've never seen so many gapped teeth on one show in my life.

The show started with pure action as everyone rushed in to get a bed. There were twenty women and only nineteen beds, so two girls disputed whether the rights to the bed belonged to the girl who claimed it first or the girl who beat the living shit out of the girl who claimed it first. This led to a counselling session in Flavor's room, before which the girl who believed might makes right prayed, "Oh, heavenly father, forgive me my sins and watch over me on this day. Forgive me for whoopin' dis bitch ass. Forgive me for thinking about whoopin' dis bitch ass again." Ultimately, she was sent packing, despite her case that the mansion was "close enough" to Crenshaw Boulevard to justify her actions.

Later, the girls mingle while Flavor makes the rounds and talks to each of them. In one of the stupidest strategies ever concocted on reality TV, Spunkeey gets a bunch of the girls to talk about bisexuality. Later, she tells Flavor that all of them are lesbians, specifically targeting Sumpthin (I warned you about the nicknames), claiming the tape will prove they all admitted to thinking about being with other women and since Flav is a man he should kick them out. In the previous season, Flav put a lot of emphasis on being honest, so ultimately Spunkeey's goal was to get girls to deny they'd suggested they might have a homo-/bisexual experience so she could roll the tape and get them kicked out.

Among the twenty girls, Flav had a spy, who pretty much reported to him--shockingly--that there were flaws among the women who decided to go on a reality show to fall in love with a gold toothed crack addict with eight kids from three different women who speaks a language he makes up as he talks.

The show then ended on the high note of having Somethin crap herself on a mad dash to the bathroom following the elimination ceremony, leaving a pile on the stairs.

All that said, much like a car accident makes you slow down, it's hard not to watch "Flavor of Love." Further, if you're like me and after slowing down for the accident you feel disappointment that you didn't see any blood or dead bodies, "Flavor of Love" will not disappoint as it makes sure to show you the very dregs of humanity.

This show was clearly sent from heaven to our TV sets, but is it a blessing or plague?

RECOMMENDED FOR: People who find "Jerry Springer" a little too intellectual.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Everyone. I cannot in good conscience recommend this show for anyone... but with that said, you gotta watch this!

AV Rating: 2.5/5. That rating deserves an explanation, because this is not an "average, middle-of-the-road" show. I am torn between giving it a five or a zero so I averaged the two.

TV Review: Summer Time Blues #1: Yes, Dear

The combination of a summer full of reruns, Tivo, a sister with Netflix and a DVD burner, and unemployment is a dangerous combination. Please consult a doctor before undertaking this or any similar regimen.

With that warning and pseudo-explanation out of the way, allow me to start plowing through the things I've been watching lately that would never have caught my attention if new episodes of "House" and "My Name is Earl" were on. Thanks to Tivo, I have caught every single episode (except one that will air tomorrow morning) of:

Yes, Dear
Formerly on CBS and currently in syndication four times a day, "Yes, Dear" was a fairly generic family comedy about a successful man and his wife who let her sister and brother-in-law move into their guest house and the wacky hijinks that ensue. The jokes were slight variations on the same jokes you've heard on every other show about families who like to crack wise. Plots included such stock ideas as "I inherited a lot of money... but didn't take into account the taxes before I spent it all," "our one neighbor is really weird," and "my father-in-law and I don't get along."

Much like "Boy Meets World," which is another terrible show that I absolutely love, it switched gears during its run, abandoning the cookie cutter plots and jokes and becoming... well, not "good," but certainly different. Almost like a parody of the typical sitcom.

The second season came around and the show's writers infused more dark humor and made an effort to (at least at times) shun the wholesomeness of the typical family sitcom without sinking to "Married with Children" territory. Among the highlights are when Jimmy accidentally converts two Mormon missionaries to the ways of drinking and gambling on sports, Greg accidentally kills Jimmy's grandmother, and Greg trying to cure his son, Sammy, of bullying other kids at the park by arranging to have another kid come over to the house and beat up Sam in his own backyard, resulting in a bunch of other fathers coming over to wager on the fight.

This also marked the addition of out-of-continuity end gags over the credits, little scenes like you might expect on a gag reel from a DVD. In one, Jimmy and Christine apologize for breaking the Warners blender and washing machine and buy them new ones. Jimmy then goes off camera and brings in the twin brother of the kid playing Sam (since like most small children, he's played by twins) and swaps them out.

There is also a running gag that shows up about 6-8 times when someone has flashbacks to someone they miss, that always features the same sequence of events while Chicago's "Hard Habit to Break" plays. In one, Greg's recalling a woman who better sandwiches than his wife. He bites into Kim's sandwich, gets a bitter look, and "remembers" playing checkers with, brushing the hair of, singing and playing guitar with, and riding Razor scooters with the old lady. In another, Greg is playing with a Chewbacca action figure and "remembers" doing all the same things with a Star Wars fan, who dressed in a Sharper Image Chewy suit, from earlier in the episode.

Later, "Yes, Dear" became a surrealistic CBS promotional tool that often crossed the line of ridiculousness. Jimmy was chosen to be a contestant on "Big Brother." Greg's dad won a role as an extra on "J.A.G." at a silent auction. Jimmy and his friend met Jim Nance in New Orleans and wound up watching the Final Four from the CBS broadcast booth. Travis Tritt and Trace Adkins guest starred as convicts on work release just before the Country Music Awards. Greg has a dream that he's Steve from "Blue's Clues" and Kim, in turn, dreams she's in bed with Steve and makes out with him. Jimmy tries to get out of a ticket by helping a cop win a Showcase Showdown on "Price is Right." Rupert, from "Survivor," starred as a homeless guy in a soup kitchen.

I think the reason I enjoy the show as much as I do is that my expectations for it were so low. I intially watched it only because it was on at a time in the morning when nothing else was on, but became hooked because it makes regular use of two of my favorite comedy forms: blatantly stupid characters and people who get caught in lies and never admit they are lying regardless of the evidence against them.

Unfortunately, the show has two flaw that arise in nearly every episode. First, the writers often have one hilarious joke and spend a lot of time building up to it. While the one joke is laugh out loud funny, the fifteen minutes leading up to it are often dull and only mildly humorous. To express it mathematically, I would offer that--were you to rate the jokes on any given sitcom on a numerical scale--"Yes, Dear" maintains a similar "funny mean" to other shows, but it's median is much lower and standard deviation much higher because the one joke is rated so much higher than any other it pulls up the entire show's average.

If you want to see a graph, just ask. I love making graphs.

Second, the show often ends without any resolution. It's as though they reached twenty-one minutes and declared, "That's a wrap" wherever they were. One show ends with Greg and Jimmy hiding in the backseat of a neighbor's car and overhearing her tell someone on the phone, "Yeah, I just filled up so I won't have to stop again until I get there. See you in Vegas."

RECOMMENDED FOR: Parents of kids under the age of eight; absurdists; people who hate "Full House," "Family Matters," and other goody-goody family sitcoms.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Childless people.

AV Rating: 3/5. Avoid the first season and give it a few episodes to grow on you. There is a subtlty to the chemistry between the actors that takes a while before you really appreciate some of the scenes, especially between Jimmy (Mike O'Malley) and Greg (Anthony Clark).

TV Review: The Closer

Once again, it's Summer Shows I'm TiVo-ing week! Today: She's a Southern-fried cop living in the wild, savage lands of drama on TNT!

#4 The Closer
Genre: Crime Drama
Channel: TNT
Season: 1 on DVD, 2 currently airing

Let me preface by saying that if you like ensemble detective stories with compelling lead characters and empowering female heroes --- and really, who doesn't? --- then you can do no better than Helen Mirren's excellent Prime Suspect series of telefilms, rentable in all their forms. The premise is that Helen Mirren's character is brought in to take over a close-knit squad of detectives to solve high-profile cases, all the while trying to balance pressure from the top vs. an "old boys club" mentality from her employees vs. a personal life. It's wonderful.

No doubt someone at TNT has seen Prime Suspect, because the premise of The Closer is exactly the same. Only picture a Southern-fried Helen Mirren* in the form of Kyra Sedgwick (not an altogether unattractive proposition in itself), a squad that's a rainbow coalition of multi-culti pandering, and it's set in L.A.

And it works really well.

The "mysteries" --- I use that term loosely because there aren't any real mindbenders (remember, this is a TNT original) --- are reasonably interesting, and each episode is digestible in and of itself, which means you can pretty much not have to worry about watching them out of order. I like that.

The real meat of the show is the interaction between Sedgwick and her squad of C-List character actors, clearly making the most of being on a hit show. The don't all like one another, which is funny (and there's a surprising amount of humor in the show), but they've learned to respect Sedgwick's quirky Brenda Lee Johnson despite their misgivings about her methods.

In fact, now that I think about it, there hasn't been a show this riddled with cliches that I've liked this much in a long time.

Take a look at the squad. You've got:

1) The Black guy
2) The Mexican guy
3) The Chinese guy
4) The female
5) The senior citizen**
6) The crusty veteran

Did we miss anyone? Anyone? I'll bet anyone 20 bucks right now that next season sees the introduction next season of the Jewish guy, the Rookie, or the Gay guy. Seriously.

Which would actually be a shame --- not because I have anything against Jews, rookies, or gays, of course, but because over the course of 1 1/2 seasons the current cast has already become like a comfortable family that bickers nonstop but still pulls together when there's a job to do. And that's a real testament to good writing and good characterization and good acting.

And when you've got those 3 things, you're inclined to forgive the cliches and the stuff that might otherwise annoy you.

Of course, this wouldn't be a TNT Original Series if it didn't have a gimmick, and the gimmick here is that they call Brenda Lee "the closer" because she's such a darn good interrogator. They make a point to end each episode with a confession that she manages to get out of the suspect, even when she doesn't have all the evidence to back it up. It's very Columbo-esque, for what that's worth.

So, The Closer has more than enough familiar elements to ease new viewers in, but the quality of the cast and writing is also more than enough to set this one apart. You'll know after one episode whether this one's right for you.

(Side Note: Seriously, if you haven't seen it though, go out right damn now and rent Prime Suspect 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. I mean it.)

RECOMMENDED FOR: Fans of Law & Order (who are probably watching the 18 episodes a day on TNT already anyway), Columbo, Barney Miller... you get the picture.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: People who watch mystery shows for the actual mysteries, people who can't stand strong, chirpy Southern accents (my Mom has one, so I'm inured to the effects), people who nod off to sleep at the thought of yet ANOTHER hour-long crime drama.

AV Rating: 4/5. It's perfect summertime comfort food, to keep us cool while we wait for new episodes of CSI, L&O: Special Victims Unit, or, um, CSI.

* -- What's the over/under on this post being Google-ranked first for the phrase "Southern-fried Helen Mirren"?

** -- The senior citizen is played by G.W. Bailey, who you'll recognize as the Lt. Harris, the wacky antagonist from the Police Academy movies. I will now light myself on fire for having remembered that.

TV Review: Hustle

Summer Shows I'm TiVo-ing Week continues!

#3 Hustle
Genre: Crime-ish Drama
Channel: AMC
Season: None on DVD yet, 3 currently airing

I'm a big fan of con artists, at least in the "televised entertainment" sense of the word "fan". Part of me relishes clockwork plots with intricate machinery that depends on flawed individuals pulling off exacting tasks to swindle deserving people/corporations/governments out of their money.

Additionally, I also like shows set in Britain, for reasons I still can't explain other than "Man, everything sounds 10 times cooler with that accent."

So, as you might have guessed, I really dig Hustle.

Brought to us overseas from the same team that gave us MI-5 (simply one of the best spy thrillers since... well, ever), Hustle traces the cons pulled by a likeable gang of no-goodniks with access to high tech and low morals.

The idea is that each episode revolves around an individual con being run against the aforementioned scumbags/evil companies/baddies, so it's easy to root for these folks as they weave their intricate plans in the name of making a whole hell of a lot of money.

Three reasons I enjoy this show:

1) The cast is a typically demographic-spanning coalition of twenty-somethings, thirty-somethings, and forty-something... plus Robert Freakin' Vaughn as the Old Man/quasi-ringleader. And Robert Vaughn acts the hell out of his part. He's clearly having a good time, and it's infectious. I mean, in a good way. Ahem.

2) Whenever the gang pulls off a particularly tricky part of the con, they break the fourth wall and wink at the viewer. I love this cheesy effect, and no, I can't explain why.

3) You never get the whole story until the end of the episode. There's always something unexplained in the middle of the story, and you (and several of the cast) are left wondering "Why/How did that happen?" and then at the end somebody explains, and you go "A-Ha! I should have seen it coming!"

This currently airs on AMC, which mystifies me, but kudos for AMC not chopping it into 42 minutes to fit American boradcast times and letting it run an hour and a quarter so we see the whole show. Other channels that air overseas productions (I'm lookin' at you, A&E) butcher the show to the point of leaving out crucial plot elements, but that's not the case here.

So, Hustle: one part Mission:Impossible, one part Ocean's Eleven, nineteen parts delicious Robin Hood-type glee.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Heist movie fans, fans of plots with lots of moving parts, ensemble acting pieces, fans of Robert Freakin' Vaughn.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Those who have trouble with heavy English accents, people with short attention spans, or those who can't conceive of ANY crime being justified or fun. (And no, I don't want to know those people.)

AV Rating: 4/5. Good fun. Check it out.

TV Review: Dirty Jobs

Next up on Summer Shows I'm TiVo-ing week: filth!

#2 Dirty Jobs
Channel: Discovery
Genre: Reality/Educational
Season: 1 on DVD, 2 currently airing

What's this, you ask? An educational TV show? That's good? And not about Hitler's Bathroom, or The Secretaries of World War 2, or Secret Accountants Of Nazi Germany, or whatever lame-ass stock-footage reel the World War 2 Channel History Channel decides to show repeatedly?

Damn skippy.

The premise of Dirty Jobs is that the host (Mike Rowe, ex-opera singer, voiceover maven and real estate advisor) travels around the country meeting real people who have "dirty" jobs and filling in for them for the day.

And there are some dirty, dirty jobs out there.

Some segments are slam-dunks: sewage pipe inspector, food recycler, charcoal factory worker, demolition worker.

(Side Note: the "roadkill cleaner" job is exactly as disgusting as you'd think it would be. I'm just sayin'.)

Others aren't so much "dirty" as just "really-friggin'-miserable-holy-hell-I'll-never-complain-about-my-own-job-again" kind of things.

Like the poor sonsabitches repairing railroad ties in 110 degree heat. Or the guys who clean the litter and food and OH MY GOD IS THAT A HUMAN FINGER?!? out from city storm drains. Or steel mill workers, who spend day after day just sweeping iron coke off a conveyor belt standing next to lethal machinery and open 200-degree flames. Or the guy that gets to spend all day every day cleaning the inside of concrete mixers. You get the picture. It's these kind of jobs ---and people --- that are frequently more fascinating.

Disassembling a Rose Bowl Parade float was compelling, mainly because I had no idea that the floats are comprised almost entirely of vegetation, which means that a month after the parade these people have to get knee-deep in rotting fruit/vegetables/whatever's left. Yes. Ew.

Mike Rowe really makes the show go with his everyman persona and wisecracks; he's genuinely interested in what these people do for a living and why, and makes every effort to actually learn the job they're doing. The amazing thing is that he is always incredibly respectful of these folks, and while humor is a big part of the show (most jokes revolve around how incompetently Rowe handles the new job), you never feel like he's laughing at them, we're laughing with them.

Chimney sweeps, sludge cleaners, bat scientists, avian vomitologists (yup), hot tar roofers, the list goes on and on.

Plus, the theme song is the kickass chorus of Faith No More's "We Care A Lot".

Go here and watch a preview that sums up the show nicely. (And you get to hear that kickass chorus.)

RECOMMENDED FOR: Curious people, those who have any sort of regular job whatsoever, fans of watching "them high-falutin' TV folk" get taken down a peg when asked to do real work.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: People easily nauseated by feces, grease, sewage, black lung, animal parts, or the human condition that these folks work in.

AV Rating: 3/5. This might seem low, but with a show like this you're bound to have some jobs (and therefore segments) that just aren't all that interesting. No need to catch up on anything, though, since there's no narrative involved. Watch a couple at random and you'll know if this one's right for you.

Music Review: KT Tunstall

KT Tunstall: Eye To The Telescope is my new favorite album. It's a great mix of singing styles, she plays her own instruments, and seriously, the girl can wail.

You're thinking, "Who is this KT Tunstall that you speak of?"

You know her from Black Horse and the Cherry Tree because it gets an obscene amount of radio play.

What you don't know is how good the rest of the album is.

The rest of the album mixes pop, rock, folksy blues and well, who knows - but it works. The album has a nice mix so you're never too high or too low for too long. It's great for a drive home to unwind - but not so much for the morning, as it is more likely to calm and soothe you than to get you focused and energized.

There are songs you'll rock out to, songs you'll sing along to, and songs that you'll listen to for the story as much as the music.

AV rating: 4/5 stars.

TV Review: Psych

The show I'm TiVoing this summer is Psych on USA.

The premise: cop-wanna-be pretends to be psychic to solve crimes on a consulting basis. Hilarity will ensure.

The truth: hilarity does ensue.

Great performances all around by James Roday, Dule Hill, Corbin Bernsen (yes, Corbin 'not much since LA Law' Bernsen), and some new and lesser known folks.

It's mystery meets comedy meets buddy show. I think it's more comedy than mystery, but if you have a sense of humor about your mysteries and enjoy odd characters, then this is great viewing. The dialog is well-written, and the show is clever.

If you are looking for real-crime, real detectives, or real psychics, you are in the wrong place.

AV rating: 4/5 stars.